OnStar, This is Jason…

Google Map 1Jen called me up yesterday from Massachusetts. They had just finished their day in Boston and were on their way back to Atlantic Union College but they needed to stop and eat somewhere.

“Are you near the computer?” Jen asked. Of course I was. That’s where I live.

“Can you find us a mall? We’re near Framingham and we need someplace to eat.”

Since I’m an Internet genius, I found a mall nearby:

“Just take 290 West, the first exit is River Rd. There’s a mall right there.”

Jen thanked me and promised to call later.

Fifteen minutes pass. The phone rings.

“We’re in the middle of nowhere!” she cried, “It’s trees everywhere, where is that mall?” I pulled up the Google Maps.

“Did you take the first exit?”

“Yes, we’re on River Road. We’ve been driving for miles!”

“Wait, you didn’t see the mall off the exit? It’s right off the exit? Didn’t you see it from the highway?”

“What? No, it’s just trees everywhere!”

I got them turned around and back the right direction.

“Okay, turn at Donald J Lynch Blvd and keep going.”

“There’s just a office building. Lots of trees. Wait, is that Best Buy? Olive Garden?!” I can hear the cheers of the kids as they rattle off the wonders of shopping. Borders! Macy’s! Linens N’ Things! Okay, maybe not that last one.

“Wow,” Jen said, “you couldn’t see anything from the road at all.” In the background, I hear these classic words from Danica:

“It was like the Columbian Rain Forest!”Google Map 2

Apparently, the map I was looking at should have been more like this:

Anyway, once all the shopping splendor appeared, my job was finished. Everyone was happy that they had found the best mall ever and I had fulfilled my duty as a part-time OnStar operator. In fact, Jen just called a few minutes ago looking for an Olive Garden and the one at Solomon Pond Mall looks to be the closest.

Until next time, thank you for using OnStar!

6 thoughts on “OnStar, This is Jason…

  1. Solomon Pond Mall had to be rebuilt after the Redcoats sacked it in a rage when they discovered that the Dick’s Sporting Goods there had hidden their stock of lanterns from them.

    As for the Olive Garden there . . . I thought all Adventists knew that Joseph Bates and his wife loved to go there on their date nights.

    A history tour, indeed an ADVENTIST history tour, that could not locate a treasure trove just because of a little aesthetic greenery . . . well, I don’t know.

  2. j, you are totally the on-star king! is this maybe something you should start charging money for… except if i ever need your services.

  3. I don’t know about any witty remarks coming from me this early in the morning, but I did laugh out loud at the map make-over. Kudos.

Comments are closed.